Life with a 3 year old

Last week Caleb turned the big 3..

 We didn't have a big party this year but we did have a family dinner with all the grandparents, his aunt and uncle and best friend/ cousin Scarlett. He loves his new train set and iPad (him and I share the iPad).

Everyday caleb is learning new things and becoming more aware of the things around us. He asks a ton of questions and really takes in the answers. He has also become a back seat driver telling me where to go and how fast I should be driving. Overall he is a very loving sweet little boy who loves to give kisses and hugs. Most moms say that the snuggles end as they get older but for now he is my little snuggle bug and I take it all in.

Being pregnant and dealing with a 3 year old can be really difficult some days. Between night terrors and growth spurts his sleeping hasn't been the best. He is also learning how to have an opinion and make it well known. Before having kids I always heard of the terrible 2's but let me tell you the threes are way worse. As much as I love seeing him grow and learn things it also makes the fights over things a bit harder and it makes it harder to distract him from throwing a fit.

As this pregnancy goes by (which feels like snail speed) I start to think about how life will be different once the twins are here. Part of me feels guilty that caleb's life is going to change so much. I know having siblings can be amazing but I worry about how much time I will have for him and how much harder things will be for me. It makes me sad that this christmas will be the last one he has without babies around. I know many moms feel this way when they get pregnant with a second child but i feel like for me its more about the fact I am having twins than just another child.

Cerclage

Today I am 15 weeks 4 days. I feel a little better than I did a few week ago.

My nausea is better and not constant and I am sleeping better at night.  In the last week or two I got my heartburn back. Which I only had with Caleb so I remember it well but was hoping I wouldn't get it this time around. Overall my body is pretty sore and i get lots of pelvic pains already. It makes me worry about what I will feel like in the coming months. My biggest struggle now is trying not to pick Caleb up. I am able to now but I know coming up soon i won't be able to and I want him to get used to it. It's just hard because at 3 he still wants me to hold him and carry him plus the convenience of being able to make him do things like get in bed or a shopping cart.

It's not a great picture but it is from about a week ago. Its amazing how quickly I started showing. I feel like I look now how I looked at 6 months with caleb.

A couple weeks ago I had my cerclage procedure done. Mike and I went into the hospital around 8:30am and were able to leave finally around 4pm. Everything went really well.  It took a while for the epidural to wear off so I couldn't leave until I could walk and go to the bathroom. Every person I dealt with at the hospital was amazing. My favorite was the anesthesiologist. He is a fellow there and I am hoping he is there when I deliver. The L&D department was pretty busy like always but i didn't feel like anyone was rushed in helping me or talking me through things. I got to ask the nurse a bunch of questions about delivery. Since last time my C-section was not planned this time around it will be different and I will be more prepared for it.

Since the cerclage was placed I haven't had any problems and at my check up last week she said everything was looking good. At this appointment I also did my first glucose test and passed. Because of my PCOS an the fact that I am having twins the Dr wanted me to do an early test and i will have to do another one around 26 weeks. Many things are more common with twin pregnancies like gestational diabetes and preeclampsia so my Dr wants to keep a closer eye on me. She wants to see me every 3 weeks for now and then later it will be every 2 then every week. 

I'm pregnant!!

It's taken me a while to get time to post with all the exciting things happening around here.

I am about 11 weeks pregnant with TWINS!!

I knew taking clomid increased my chances of twins but i didn't really expect it until the Dr said during an ultrasound.. "yep its twins". I have seen them on ultrasound about 5 times now so I know its real but it still feels a little crazy.

My due date is May 2, 2015 but twins usually come early so they will most likely be born in early to mid april. I am hoping everything goes smooth and I deliver them at 36-38 weeks.

When I was about 8 weeks I had some bleeding and had to rush to the emergency room. After many hours at stanford ER, the ER dr.'s told me that the babies looked fine but that my placenta was pulling away from my uterus. This really freaked me out like any mom would be. I went in on a saturday and on monday I had a follow up with my Repro Endo and he said he wasn't sure what the ER Dr was seeing but the bleeding I had was pretty normal and not a huge problem at all. He said if my placenta was separating I would be in a ton of pain. Since I wasn't in any pain at all he said I was ok. He did another ultrasound that day and made sure everything was looking good. Since that day I haven't had any more bleeding and every check up has been good.

Next week I will have my Nuchal Translucency ultrasound to check if the babies are at risk of down syndrome, trisomy 18, trisomy 13 and a couple other chromosomal abnormalities. This is a pretty common test that most women have during their pregnancy. It is just a blood test and ultrasound.

Next week I also have my cerclage surgery scheduled for friday. It is a lot all in one week but I am glad it is all moving along. It really helps me to feel more relaxed about the pregnancy and try to enjoy it a bit more.

First Day of Preschool

Today was Caleb's first day of preschool. It was more of an intro to the teachers and class today so I stayed the whole time and he just mostly played. He was so excited to go and I am so excited for him to get the time to play and learn. I am also excited for the days I will now get 3 hours to myself twice a week.

 I know caleb is still on the young side since he doesn't turn 3 until november but since he was potty trained so early I figured why not. He loves to learn about new things and he really analyzes everything new he comes across. He asks tons of questions and usually really wants to know the answers. Since he is young it means he can be in preschool until he will hopefully go to transitional kinder when he is 4 almost 5.  I can't wait to see all the new things he learns and gets to experience though school.

Our next step

It's amazing how life can get in the way of a simple thing like typing up a blog post.

On Caleb's 2nd birthday Mike and I decided we wanted to start trying to have a second child. We have always wanted two kids. With Zoey and with Caleb I got pregnant within the first month or two of trying. This time around it hasn't been so easy.

When I met with my neologist for the first time last year we decided to wait to take any MS drugs because I knew I was going to be trying to get pregnant soon. My Dr agreed but told me she wanted me to get pregnant as soon as I could. This was very stressful for me. The longer it was taking the more stress I was feeling about it. The reason my neologist was pushing me to get pregnant quick is because a woman is protected from MS flair ups during pregnancy.

I started seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist and found out I wasn't ovulating. The Dr had me take Provera to help force a period and then once it did I started taking Clomid. The first round of clomid didn't work. It is supposed to block estrogen receptors to make the body produce a growing follicle. After an ultrasound to find out it wasn't working we started again with provera and then increased the dose of clomid. This time it worked and created a good follicle. My Dr did an ultrasound to see if it was working and to see how many follicles were maturing. Because of the number of follicles and the timing I had to give myself a shot of Ovidrel to force ovulation.

Each cycle I have to call the Dr on day 1 of my period. Then by day 3 I had to have an ultrasound called a Baseline to check where I was at. On day 3 I start taking clomid until day 7.  On day 10 I start taking daily at home ovulation tests. Then on day 13-14, I have another ultrasound to see if the clomid was working. Having to keep track like this really makes me feel in tune with my body but also feels weird to report to the Dr about every little thing that is happening.

It is nice to know that it is finally working and we got all the medications and process figured out. I feel so much less stressed now.

Medical student

Today I am seeing my neurologist to talk about my pain in my legs and medication options. Before the Dr came in I had the pleasure of having a medical student talk to me and do my exam. Being at Stanford I am pretty used to this and have come to really appreciate it. The medical students and residents are always very nice and have the time to give a bit longer explanations of things. They also are learning so they do things a bit slower, more in depth and explain what they are doing more. I enjoy knowing that what I'm going through might help this student to be a better dr. My BIL is in medical school and I would want his patients to give him the time and opportunity to learn like I do. 

I'm writing this while waiting for the dr to come in to talk. Since it was a last minute add appt I have had to wait longer than normal. For some reason today more than others I felt very nervous and anxious about my appt. I guess the fear that the dr could tell me that the way my legs feel is my new normal or just the idea of having something else wrong and needing more meds that could make it so we can't get pregnant for longer. In the end I think my biggest fear right now is ending up in a wheelchair and not being able to take care of myself or Caleb. I know I'm not there yet or really close but it's a hard thought to shake. 

Infusions

Today is day three of three for a steroid infusion of Solumedrol. I had noticed on saturday last week that I had some numbness in my right leg. I didn't think much of it because it was mostly sensitivity to temperature. Then by Sunday night I figured out it was another flair up. Same feelings as the last time. I talked to my Neurologist and after she looked at my MRI results and saw a new lesion on the right side of my brain she suggested an infusion. This will hopefully help the one in my brain from remaining active and for the numbness in my leg to go away.

During my initial diagnosis last year we decided to wait to start any of the disease modifying drugs until after we got pregnant and had another baby. We knew we wanted to start trying soon so it wasn't a problem. Well now that it has been a year and 8 mo of trying with out any luck I am looking at starting the one drug they say is safe while trying to get pregnant. Once I get pregnant I won't need to take the drugs because women are protected during pregnancy from MS flair ups.

The Drug we are looking at and I will be talking to my Dr about next week is called Copaxone. It is an every other day injection that I will have to learn to give myself. It will definitely be something to get used to but its better than having more and more lesions and flair ups.

I'm Back Again

It has been around 2 1/2 years since I last posted anything and so many thing have happened. Caleb will be 3 in Nov and will hopefully be starting preschool in september. He is so smart, funny, loving and very testing of my patience. He loves to be naked which I think was a huge help in him getting potty trained around his 2nd birthday. He is very healthy and weighs in at about 36lbs right now. He is a great eater and likes lots of different types of food. his favorites right now are tofu, caesar salad, sushi, chipotle and veggie sandwiches from subway.

Since my last post Mike and I have had some major changes. We decided to add 400 sq ft to the back of our house with a master bathroom, a laundry room and an office. We are still in the process of finishing the project. Mike's job changed so we now have better benefits and things and the ship he has been on for a while is on the west coast which is nice. We are also looking to grow our family soon with another baby (I'll post more about all of that later).

The biggest thing I am dealing with right now is my newly diagnosed Multiple Sclerosis. In July of 2013 I was diagnosed with MS after many MRI's and various tests. So far other than some slight memory, processing and balance issues I am the same as I always have been. Many people in my life know I was diagnosed but not everyone because until now I haven't really talked about it openly to the world. I didn't post it on Facebook or anything because I didn't want people to feel bad for me or say the wrong things while I was still processing what this means for my future. I hope talking about it now helps others and helps me to find more people who are dealing with this disease. 

Photos

 These pictures were taken when Caleb was 3 weeks old. the first four were taken during a photo shoot with Jessica Quintal. The last four were taken by my sister. I was going to write more but Caleb is crying and would like if I fed him. He is a very predictable every 2 hour eater during the day. I will try to post again soon.

His Thanksgiving day outfit. The front of his shirt said Gobble gobble gobble.

Quick note

Just a quick post to tell everyone about the baby gizmo giveaway of a bugaboo donkey stroller. Check it out www.babygizmo.com.

Emotions

Since the last few weeks of my pregnancy I have been very emotional. Since I delivered it has only gotten worse. I cry over any and everything. Recovery overall hasn't been easy by any means.

For me the whole C-section experience comes with a lot of disappointment and sadness. I had looked forward to giving birth. I wanted to see Mike cut the umbilical cord and get to have Caleb lay on my chest when we was first born. There were so many things I looked forward to.

When I gave birth to Zoey it was not a happy time. Mike wasn't there, nobody cut her cord (well the Dr. did I think), the Dr wasn't excited, I got to hold her but I was surrounded by sad faces and crying not happy excited people. I had looked forward to delivering her as well and felt like that experience was taken from me. I had hoped that this time around it would be different and I would get to experience all the things I had hoped for.
I was there when my sister delivered, when my friend Tara delivered, and I was there during labor and shortly after delivery for two other friends all who had normal vaginal deliveries. I knew what it could be like.

When I was told I was having a C-section I was once again surrounded by worried faces. After he was born I didn't get to hold him, I barely got to see him, Mike didn't get to cut the cord, our family and friends didn't get to celebrate with us after he was born. Since I was having such problems I didn't get to hold him until the next day. The Dr. waited so long to decide to give me a C-section that by the time he was born our friends and family all had to leave so they could only see him through the window in the nursery while they washed him and did various things. ( I was in surgery still so I;m not sure what all they did). I don't have pictures of all our family holding him that day and because of the stress in the hospital i don't have pictures of my family holding him at all.

I know having a C-section was the best thing for him and me. If I had delivered him vaginally he might not have made it because the Dr found his umbilical cord around his neck twice. I remind myself that having a healthy baby was the most important thing how it happened was not. As much as I know this it is still hard sometimes. 

I started this post about 2 weeks ago now so everything above this was written earlier. In the last couple weeks I have been able to come to terms more with my feelings on how his delivery went. I am still disappointed about all the things I mentioned above and it is still hard to watch those baby shows where women give birth and everything goes perfect. But some words of wisdom from another mom who had C-sections helped me alot. She told me that "normal is different for everyone. They make giving birth sound like everyone has a great vaginal birth but not everyone does. Having had a C-section was my normal". This seemed obvious but hearing someone else who had been through it tell me that helped. I hope if we have another baby (which at this point both mike and I are at the hell no we aren't having any more stage but everyone swears that passes) I can have a vaginal birth but I know now what to be prepared for if I don't.

C Section

I wanted to share what it was like for me to have a C Section. Mike and I hadn't really read a lot about it and weren't really prepared for me to have to have one. It was a shock when I wasn't progressing and the Dr. finally decided I needed one. Once I was told that was what was best everything went really quickly. Multiple Dr's came in to talk to me or to do things to me. A nurse came in and shaved the area where the incision would be. This was a little odd because I couldn't really see what she was doing and I'm not sure who was in the room at this point but whoever was there was seeing it. (since starting this post I saw pictures today and found out pretty much everyone was there).  Mike was given a shirt, pants, mask and cap to put on. I had to put on a hair net type cap.

Once I was ready to go they wheeled me down the hall and into the operating room. Mike got to stay at my side the whole time. I was glad he was there because I have seen lots of hospitals where the dad has to wait till the mom is on the table and ready. The nurses and some other people probably residents or interns lifted me and pulled me onto the operating table since my legs were numb from the epidural. The position they put you in is very uncomfortable. My arms were out to the sides and my head was on a pillow thing. I had IV's, a blood pressure cuff that went off every few minutes, a pulse ox monitor on my finger and the epidural catheter in my back. They also had me wear an oxygen mask until after Caleb was born.

There were lots of people in the room, I don't know if that is normal but I assume there were more people there because Stanford is a teaching hospital so there were attendings and residents and some people that seemed to just stand around and watch. The only people I could see because of the curtain across my chest were the 4 anesthesiologists. Most of the time one of them attended to me and the rest stood around and chatted about who knows what but not me. Before everything started Mike and I asked the resident closest to us how long the surgery would take and he said the baby will be out in 20 min but the surgery can take between 1 and 2 hours. I was a little shocked because I had no idea it took that long.

The first thing i remember once the Dr came in and the surgery started is the horrible smell of burning flesh. Mike and I were both caught off guard by it. Later we asked and the Dr told us they use a scalpel to cut but then they cauterize any bleeding that happens and that was the smell. It was about 20 minutes in that the Dr. asked for the table to be lowered and tilted with my head down slightly so they could get Caleb out. I could feel them pulling and pushing but no pain of any kind. Once Caleb was out Mike was able to go straight over to him and see him get weighed and cleaned up on the warmer. Caleb was crying for a little bit but not tons. We heard the Dr say something that neither one of us knew the meaning of until later. He was explaining to the resident that Caleb's cord was wrapped around his neck 2 times and that it was rare to see. (of course he used big medical words we didn't know). Mike came back and forth between me and Caleb to tell me about him and then he was able to bring him over to me. Mike and I were both tearing up getting to see him for the first time. He was so quiet and had his eyes open really big looking at me. I gave him a kiss, we took a picture and a few minutes after that he had to go to the nursery. Mike left at that point to stay with him which was one of the few things we had talked about before even going to the hospital was that I would want Mike to stay with him and not me.

After they left a bunch of the people in the OR left as well. The group of anesthesiologists went down to just one resident who apparently was on call because he was answering his cell phone the whole time. Laying on the table was really uncomfortable. My back and shoulders started to get really sore and I was freezing cold especially my right hand since it was the one hooked up to all the monitors. I could also feel the cold liquid as it entered my epidural catheter and ran down my back, i think they did that a handful of times.  The sounds of the surgery were also surprising to me. I could hear things, I assume liquids, hitting the curtain at my chest and I heard them staple the incision at the end. I also felt a little uneasy at one point when I heard the Dr counting the instruments and gauze and heard him ask about a pair of scissors. I heard him ask everyone to look for them and to even look at their feet. They did find them thank god but it wasn't what I wanted to hear. This part of the surgery seemed to take forever and I remember asking the anesthesiologist a couple times how much longer or how far they were.

After I was done I got moved onto another bed and then taken to the recovery area in L&D. That is where they found out I had an infection and started the antibiotics. They also massaged my abdomen t ohelp with bleeding or something. This is one of the most painful things they had to stop even touching my abdomen at one point because I was so sore. I was in recovery for around an hour. My mom and sister were able to come see me for a few minutes but because it was past visiting hours they all had to leave. Mike came and saw me and at one point brought Caleb with him but I was in so much pain and having problems I couldn't hold him or anything.

The last major thing that happened was when Mike was with Caleb in the nursery and the nurses were getting me settled in the postpartum room, which I didn't have to share because I had a C section. The nurses were moving me from one bed to the other and I couldn't really help so they slid me over on this air mattress thing. Then when they had to remove the air mattress they had me roll to one side and then the other. When I rolled to the second side I was unable to breathe it felt like my throat had closed up. I was gasping for air and the nurses had to give me oxygen and just before they were about to push the emergency button I was able to take a breath and start breathing again. Nobody knows why I stopped being able to breathe but once I could again they didn't seem to worry anymore.

Caleb Michael haight

On Thursday November 10, 2011 Caleb was born at 8lbs 4oz. Since then our lives have been very crazy, which is why it has taken me so long to blog about him being born.

On Thursday morning around 3 am I started having contractions at home. I had been up all night unable to sleep and let Mike sleep in until about 5:30am. Around 6 I decided we should head to the hospital because my contractions were pretty strong and I didn't want to get caught in commute traffic to the hospital which is about 45 min from our house. The drive to the hospital was very painful as I had contractions and driving over bumps in the road.

Once we got to the hospital we went straight up to L&D and they placed me in a little room to check me out and make sure I was really in labor. Mike and I took the time we had to wait to call our moms so they could come to the hospital. The Dr. did a quick ultrasound and determined I was fully in labor at 4-5cm, 50% effaced and +2. They then moved me to a regular L&D room.

After getting settled into our room around 7am there were many nurses and Dr's because it was shift change time. I got an IV and shortly after that a resident came in to talk to me about an epidural. I didn't want one at first but after about 6 hours of horrible back labor I gave in and got one. Back labor is so much more painful than the labor pains I had with Zoey. I requested that an attending do it and not a resident because of my bad past experiences. I ended up having 3 people do it, an attending and 2 residents. The attending took the opportunity to teach the residents how to place an epidural using an ultrasound. I was very pleased with these Dr's and I got an amazing epidural.

Shortly after I got the epidural my mom and sister showed up and a little later Mike's mom got there. The timing on everything from this point on is a bit of a blur for me. I was in labor and just relaxing mostly for a good majority of the day. I was starving since you can't eat and I was tired from not sleeping the night before but I was too excited to sleep anyways. I had a few visitors during the day my dad came, my friend Leslie came and the nurses were amazing and let us have extra people there.

A few times throughout the day Caleb's heartbeat was low and the Dr's and nurses came rushing in to have me lay on my other side and toward the later part of the day I was given oxygen to help him. Around 8pm (i think) our friends Kelly and Julio got there to visit. Within 20 minutes of them getting there the Dr came in to check me and told me I wasn't making any progress. I was dilated to 7cm but Caleb was still really high at +2. At this point the Dr told me I was going to have to have a C section because I was just not progressing enough and Caleb was looking to be in a bit of distress.

I was really scared and nervous about having a C section and I could see it in Mike's face that he was upset about it too. I started crying and asked someone to go out and get my mom since she had gone to the waiting room while I had other friends there. It was a good thing I had gotten an epidural already because it was one less thing I had to get before surgery. I will write about what it was like to have a c section in another blog post.

Mike got to stay with me the whole time and Caleb was born at 9:33pm. I got to see him and then Mike went with him to the nursery while they finished my surgery. After surgery I went to the recovery area and they found out I had an infection so they started me on antibiotics. They tested Caleb and luckily he didn't get the infection. When my epidural wore off they tried to give me a couple different drugs for the pain. One being morphine. None of the drugs they gave me were helping, apparently I don't respond to those types of drugs so it wasn't until a few hours after I got into my postpartum room that I got a drug that helped. Once I was in my room Mike and Caleb came in. Because of the pain I was in and the lack of strong drugs I wasn't able to hold him or nurse him until the next morning.

Due to the infection I had to be in the hospital for 4 days. Most of that time I had an IV in each hand and couldn't do to much with Caleb. Mike was amazing and took care of me and Caleb the whole time. He did all of the diaper changes for the first 3 days. It is such an amazing feeling to finally have our little boy here with us healthy and strong.

38 weeks

This week I am finally 38 weeks and today I'm almost 39. It feels great to have gotten this far in the pregnancy with no problems at all. Now I am just waiting for him to come and getting more and more impatient each day. He is very active still and likes to stretch a lot which Mike finds entertaining but I find fairly uncomfortable.

I had my weekly check up on Thursday. Everything is looking good. My cervix was about 1cm dilated and I was 50% effaced. My belly was measuring larger than it had been so the dr had me go get an ultrasound to check how big he is. The ultrasound isn't exact but they said he is 8lbs 5oz already. She also confirmed he is a boy and said he has a good head of hair. It's amazing what they can tell in those blurry pictures. Thankfully he is still head down.

Overall I am just feeling ready to be done being pregnant. I am very tired all the time and have been having some contractions but nothing major. I have been very emotional in the last week or so too. Poor mike has been doing well dealing with my craziness. Hopefully the next time I post will be with pictures and baby stats.

Photos

A couple weeks ago I had a photo shoot with a family friend Krista Lucas. Mike was supposed to be there but because his work schedule changed he was gone. We did the photo shoot at a park in Newark. She took my pictures at the same time as Scarlett's birthday photos which worked out well because when S got fussy she got a break while I was taking pictures.

In the pictures I am 36 weeks pregnant. Now I am 38 weeks and feel like each day my belly just gets bigger and bigger. I don't know if I am dilated at all yet but I have had a few contractions and lots of pressure from him dropping. I hope to go into labor soon but I have to keep reminding myself that he will come when he is good and ready.

Caleb's Room

 I finally have some pictures of what we have been up to in his room. They aren't the best pictures but I wanted to post them so you all could see. His room is a little messy because I haven't put everything away yet. It seems like every time I get it all put away we get more stuff, which is awesome but hard to keep everything organized.

The Christmas teddy bear was one I had when I was little and the other two bears are ones that Mike and I made at build a bear when we were dating.

The window valance that my sister made with the fabric that Mike picked out and decided we had to have in Caleb's room.

My talented sister made this crib skirt as well. It's nice having people that can sew in the family.

36 Weeks

Yesterday I had my cerclage taken out. My Dr had told me that it wouldn't be too bad so they do it in the office and once they get it set up it should only take a couple minutes. Well like many things my situation was not like normal. My cervix is tilted and further back than normal. Also the stitch was as the Dr. said well placed and hard to pull and cut. It ended up taking about 45 minutes and was much more painful than I expected. On the doctors last attempt before sending me to L&D to have it removed with an epidural she was able to get it out. The Dr apologized afterward for it being worse than she thought it would be and not being able to prepare me better. She also told my mom who was with me that I deserve to be pampered when I got home. Mike was at work so my mom filled in for him, which I am really grateful for because she helped remind me to breathe and relax though it. Luckily Mike gets home today. (it's currently midnight on Thursday morning and his flight gets in at 8:30am). I thought about staying the night at my parents just in case I had to go to the hospital tonight but I was feeling ok and figured I would sleep better at home.

The Dr measured my belly and said I am still measuring big so although it isn't exact she thinks Caleb will be bigger but not huge. They checked his heartbeat, which was normal and checked that he is still head down and it is. After the cerclage came out the Dr checked my cervix and said it still felt closed and long. I am really hoping to go into labor in the next week or two instead of at or past my due date in three. Caleb is pretty active throughout the day and gets the hiccups at least twice a day these days.

Before Mike went to work last week we were very busy getting Caleb's room all put together. We got everything we still needed, we set up the pack in play in our room, we packed the suitcase for the hospital, and started cleaning up the whole house. I feel pretty ready for Caleb's arrival. I will try to take pictures of his room this week and post them for you all to see.

35 Weeks

Last Sunday we had our baby shower. It was great to see all our friends and family together to celebrate Caleb. My friends Leslie and Kelly did a great job putting it all together for us and making amazing vegan food for everyone to enjoy. We heard many people say they never knew vegan food could be soo good. Mike wanted to be included so we invited both men and women to the shower which was fun. The boys got to watch football and drink beer while the ladies chatted. There was a onesie decorating table which showed off how artistically gifted many of our friends and family are. My sister made me a diaper boat with not only diapers but blankets and burp cloths that she made. (her blog has a how to if anyone is interested) I am so thankful to everyone that came and all the great gifts we received. I can't wait for Caleb to be here to meet everyone.

Thursday I had another Dr. appointment. Everything is still going smoothly. Caleb's heartbeat was good and all my stats (blood pressure, belly measurement...)  were good. I am still measuring a week to two weeks bigger but the Dr. said that was normal. I didn't have to have an exam this week because they no longer worry about me going into labor. I thought my cerclage was going to come out on Oct. 26th but my Dr. changed her mind and decided to do it Oct. 19th because I was going to be seeing her that day anyways. They take the stitch out in the office and she made it sound like it wouldn't be too bad. Since it looks like Mike will be at work my mom is going to come with me just in case.

Mike and I have been working on Caleb's room a lot since he got home. We installed a closet organizer, got the furniture put in and the crib put together. I washed and started putting away all the clothes and items we have received from people. I am slowly starting to organize his stuff so we know where things are. We still have some items we need to get but not too many.

My mom and sister are going to come over in the next week or so and help me make a crib skirt and window valance since they got the sewing genes and I didn't. I can do it but they are much better at it. They are also going to clean my house for me because my mom asked me last week what I wanted to my birthday and I said a good house cleaning before Caleb arrives. It kinda makes me laugh knowing that's what I wanted because I remember my mom saying that every year for her birthday, and as a kid thinking oh yeah whatever. But now I see she probably really meant it most years.

1 year ago today

The view from our balcony

Me at 34 weeks

Yesterday was my 26th Birthday. Mike and I went on a mini vacation out to Half Moon Bay and stayed at this great little bed and breakfast called the Cypress Inn. Our room over looked the beach and we were able to leave the doors to our balcony open and just listen to the waves crash. We also got massages which felt wonderful on my sore muscles. The day was so relaxing and gave Mike and I time to just spend together without anything else going on.

One year ago today Zoey was born and went to heaven at 8:29am. I miss her everyday and wish she could be here with us but I know that just wasn't Gods plan for her and us. I like to think that Zoey is watching over us from heaven keeping Mike, Caleb and I safe. Last night Mike and I talked about how we both feel very at peace with having lost Zoey. There are still parts of our story that bring tears to my eyes when I tell people or hear others talk about it. Mike and I read my sisters blog post last night about Zoey and both of us teared up reading about the moments when I was holding Zoey in my arms and Mike talking to her over the phone. It was hard to read but good at the same time, it helped us to express how we were feeling and start the conversation about it. Today Mike and I went for a nice walk on the beach. The beach and water is a huge part of our lives and symbolizes many things for us. Having scattered Zoey's ashes off the coast of Half Moon Bay was so special for us and I am so glad we can go there often and remember our little ladybug.

Our footprints on the beach

Last week we were waiting to hear back about my blood tests and I am happy to report that everything came back normal. I do not have a bile acid problem and everything from now on will be treated like a normal pregnancy. Finding this out was a huge relief and another reminder at how lucky we are to have Caleb in our lives. Mike and I are still nervous about the things that could still go wrong but know that we can handle whatever comes our way. Mike and I feel that losing  Zoey when we did was her way of making it possible for me to have Caleb and hopefully other children. Many things could have gone worse a year ago but they didn't, my infection didn't cause me to lose my uterus, I didn't get sick or have any other problems and Zoey didn't suffer. I feel so lucky to finally be 34 weeks and can't wait for my baby shower this weekend. Finally being past the point where the Dr would want to stop labor if it happened is a big milestone in my eyes and i look forward to Caleb being with us in a matter of weeks.

33 Weeks

This week I am 33 Weeks pregnant. Only one week away from the time the Dr. says they won't even worry about stopping labor if I go into it. It feels good to know that at this point I could deliver a healthy baby who might not even need to go to the NICU.

How I'm Feeling: I still have pretty bad heartburn. Luckily I can take Zantac and Tums which seems to be helping most of the time. I am still itching all over my body but other than those two things I actually feel pretty good. I am starting to feel ready to be done with pregnancy. Creating a life is an amazing experience that I feel so happy and lucky to have gotten to experience but it really takes a toll on a woman to share her body with another human. Caleb is pretty active at certain times of day but not the same times everyday which when I am wanting to sleep can get annoying. This week I started experiencing a new pregnancy symptom swollen feet and hands. My sister had lots of swelling with Scarlett and I hoped I wouldn't but Friday it hit and I have had it everyday since. Other than being annoying it doesn't really effect me too much.

Dr. Appointment: This week I saw my Dr. for my normal check up. I had an exam again and she said everything looked good. My cervix is still long and closed. I then had a blood test done at the end because there is a concern about my itching. There is a condition called Cholestasis which causes the liver to produce too much bile acid which causes itching without rashes. The blood test takes a week to come back so I am waiting to hear if this is what I have. The Dr. said if I do have it then I would be put on a medication to help reduce the acid and then I would have to be induced at 37 weeks. I am pretty anxious to find out and Mike and I are nervous because what we have read about Cholestasis is kinda scary, although the Dr. didn't act like it was that big of a deal.

Baby Preparations: Mike and I have gotten a bunch of stuff for Caleb's room but since Mike just got home Thursday we haven't put it all together soon. The furniture company called to tell me the crib and dresser are ready to be picked up so we will do that Monday. I am really excited to get all of Caleb's stuff together. I have some baby stuff already but after the baby shower next weekend we will make sure and get anything else we need. Getting baby stuff into the house really makes this whole thing feel so real. I am so excited to get to have Caleb here and to finally have and use all the things I had started looking at a year ago for Zoey.

This week is Mine and Zoey's birthdays.. I will write more about all of this later but I wanted to share that although it reminds me of a sad time in our lives I am actually not feeling sad about it. I feel so blessed to have Caleb coming into our lives and I know that his big sister Zoey is watching over us keeping us safe. I also am looking forward to my birthday trip with Mike to Half Moon Bay.