When Mike got home this time he hit me with a new life change. He had decided to become vegan while he was gone. He said he had been thinking about it for a while and had made up his mind while at work. At first i was really upset. Not sure why, i think it just bothered me that he came home different than he left and hadn't really told me about it until he had made up his mind. Now that I am used to the idea and have been having fun finding new ways to cook and eat it is better. I am trying to be supportive so I don't buy or cook things at home that aren't vegan. When I go out or eat at other people's houses I don't eat meat anymore but no dairy and eggs is harder. Mike and I are reading the book Eating Animals which is the book that made him decide to go vegan. We are about half way through and i definitely see the benefits of being vegetarian but not really sure about being vegan.
Mikes reasoning is the inhumane treatment of animals in the dairy industry. It's really hard for me to think about giving up some of my favorite foods. I guess i will have to update again when we are finished reading the book.
Mike would like our children, when we have them, to be vegan as well. I wonder how that is for kids also what kind of things you have to be careful of with kids? Also when i get pregnant if there is anything i have to do special if i become vegan?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Valentines Day
I know its been a while since i posted. There has just been a lot going on. Mike got home safe and sound which is always great but also means my schedule gets busier. Last weekend was the start of Girl Scout cookie time for my mariner troop. I am the cookie organizer for our troop so I convinced Mike to come and help me pick up our 988 boxes of cookies and organize them for the girls to take home.
After we got the cookies organized we left the scout meeting and headed out for our valentines day trip. We started in Morro Bay at my friend's parents cabin for the first night. Sunday we headed down to Orange County to meet up with our friends Stephanie and Zane and stayed at their apartment for the night. Monday all 4 of us headed out to Las Vegas and spent Monday and Tuesday nights there. It was so much fun. we saw the Beatles Love show which i would recommend to anyone able to go see it. We also saw Peepshow which was very good as well. The rest of the time we just walked around the different hotels and did a little gambling. Mike won about $25 at blackjack. We headed back to Orange County for Wednesday night and back to morro bay Thursday and home Friday afternoon.
After we got the cookies organized we left the scout meeting and headed out for our valentines day trip. We started in Morro Bay at my friend's parents cabin for the first night. Sunday we headed down to Orange County to meet up with our friends Stephanie and Zane and stayed at their apartment for the night. Monday all 4 of us headed out to Las Vegas and spent Monday and Tuesday nights there. It was so much fun. we saw the Beatles Love show which i would recommend to anyone able to go see it. We also saw Peepshow which was very good as well. The rest of the time we just walked around the different hotels and did a little gambling. Mike won about $25 at blackjack. We headed back to Orange County for Wednesday night and back to morro bay Thursday and home Friday afternoon.
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| The View from our hotel room of the New York New York We went on the roller coaster that you see. It was really scary |
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| The Front of the Excalibur |
Mike planned most of the trip which was very nice. He and Zane talked and planned a bunch of stuff together. We stayed at the Excalibur in Vegas, which for one of the cheapest big hotels on the strip I was surprised at how nice it was. When we got back to Orange County I decided I wanted to get a tattoo. I had been thinking about it for a while and decided that since steph had a few she would be a good person to go with. So I DID IT!!
It's a little hard to see but the flower is a Stargazer Lily and it represents me and mike. These are the flowers that we had at our wedding. On the petal there is a little ladybug which represents Zoey. This was my first tattoo, i have always wanted one but finally i had a design and reason that i know i will never regret.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Zoey's Due date
Yesterday was Zoey's due date. It has been hard to put into words how i really feel about it so sorry if this post is a little un organized. Mike and i were talking about it last night and we both feel like her due date isn't any harder than any other day. I feel like a baby's due date is just an estimate of when they will be born and not an actual date she would have been born. Because of this i don't feel much attachment to the date. We are doing really well with everything and are looking forward to the future. We definitely still think about Zoey all the time and miss her alot, but i am at peace with everything that has happened.
I think about how things were supposed to be so different. I should be huge and anxious to have a baby. Instead I am back to tracking my ovulation and trying to lose weight. It is amazing how things can change. I thought I had things figured out and was ready for how my life was going to change with a baby. Now i have to get ready to hopefully be pregnant all over again. I fear that something could go wrong again. I hear of many women who have had multiple losses and I worry that i won't be able to handle going through it many times. Every time i say that to mike he just says well lets just hope we never have to find out. I really hope that I will be pregnant by march. When i was looking at my ovulation calendar I found it interesting that if i get pregnant at the right time this month the estimated due date of our baby would be 11/11/11. How cool would it be to have that birthday.
I think about how things were supposed to be so different. I should be huge and anxious to have a baby. Instead I am back to tracking my ovulation and trying to lose weight. It is amazing how things can change. I thought I had things figured out and was ready for how my life was going to change with a baby. Now i have to get ready to hopefully be pregnant all over again. I fear that something could go wrong again. I hear of many women who have had multiple losses and I worry that i won't be able to handle going through it many times. Every time i say that to mike he just says well lets just hope we never have to find out. I really hope that I will be pregnant by march. When i was looking at my ovulation calendar I found it interesting that if i get pregnant at the right time this month the estimated due date of our baby would be 11/11/11. How cool would it be to have that birthday.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Why me?
It seems like constantly i see people with children that I just don't feel like should have children. Either they don't take care of their children or they treat them badly i don't understand how a parent can be like that to their child. It makes me wonder why those people were even given the privilege of having a child when i was robbed of it. It seems like many of the people i have met who have lost a baby are people who are good parents and who want a baby. It kills me to see people who don't love and appreciate their children. I know that when we are finally blessed with an earth baby i will be so happy and i will be able to appreciate what a special gift it is.
Feb 2nd was Zoey's due date. As the date gets closer I have mixed feelings on it. I may feel different on the actual day but so far i feel ok about it. I see a baby's due date as just a educated guess from a doctor of when your baby will be born. So for me I don't feel the attachment to the date as i thought i would in the beginning. I feel like we are doing good with everything and that the only time i really get sad anymore is when I think about where our lives would have been right now. Instead of trying to lose weight and get pregnant we would be getting ready for zoey's birth. Looking back to a year ago when we started talking about getting pregnant we would have never guessed the year would turn out the way it did. I just hope that the next year is better than the last.
Feb 2nd was Zoey's due date. As the date gets closer I have mixed feelings on it. I may feel different on the actual day but so far i feel ok about it. I see a baby's due date as just a educated guess from a doctor of when your baby will be born. So for me I don't feel the attachment to the date as i thought i would in the beginning. I feel like we are doing good with everything and that the only time i really get sad anymore is when I think about where our lives would have been right now. Instead of trying to lose weight and get pregnant we would be getting ready for zoey's birth. Looking back to a year ago when we started talking about getting pregnant we would have never guessed the year would turn out the way it did. I just hope that the next year is better than the last.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Weight Loss
So the last time I wrote about wanting to lose weight and get healthy was not very long before Scarlett went to the hospital. I was doing really good working out everyday and eating fairly well. I continued to eat pretty good although I'm sure i could always do better. Unfortunately with going to the hospital, mike being home and the stress of everything I didn't go to the gym for about a month. I started working out again and hope to get back on track.
For any of you that have had a loss you will probably know how i feel about losing weight. I know i need to do it and that the more i lose the better my chances of getting pregnant are. But the hard part is that I know once i get pregnant i will just gain whatever i lose back and probably plus some. When i was pregnant with Zoey i gained 24 pounds in 22 weeks. I can only imagine what i would have gained if she was full term. I also worry because once i get pregnant i cant really work out as much. The doctor said i can go for light walks but not full workouts and once i get further in the pregnancy i shouldn't do alot at all. I feel like i will put so much work and stress into losing weight and then just have to do it all over again in a year. I just don't know how to keep motivated and not get discouraged.
I watch many of the reality shows and especially ones about weight loss. I wish i could have someone come to my house everyday and make me workout and remind me to eat healthy. I like exercise and I enjoy healthy food so all i need is someone to get me going everyday. Mike tries to help me but it's hard when he is my kick in the butt because often I either feel like he is nagging me or take his help the wrong way. He has been very patient with me and I love him for it. I am lucky to have his support in everything i decide to do.
For any of you that have had a loss you will probably know how i feel about losing weight. I know i need to do it and that the more i lose the better my chances of getting pregnant are. But the hard part is that I know once i get pregnant i will just gain whatever i lose back and probably plus some. When i was pregnant with Zoey i gained 24 pounds in 22 weeks. I can only imagine what i would have gained if she was full term. I also worry because once i get pregnant i cant really work out as much. The doctor said i can go for light walks but not full workouts and once i get further in the pregnancy i shouldn't do alot at all. I feel like i will put so much work and stress into losing weight and then just have to do it all over again in a year. I just don't know how to keep motivated and not get discouraged.
I watch many of the reality shows and especially ones about weight loss. I wish i could have someone come to my house everyday and make me workout and remind me to eat healthy. I like exercise and I enjoy healthy food so all i need is someone to get me going everyday. Mike tries to help me but it's hard when he is my kick in the butt because often I either feel like he is nagging me or take his help the wrong way. He has been very patient with me and I love him for it. I am lucky to have his support in everything i decide to do.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Baby and Dog Sitting
Thursday I started dog sitting for some really good friends of our. Their dog (Josie) is pretty well behaved and overall i have been enjoying having a dog around. Mike asked me if i want a dog now and i don't think so. It's fun but i am just not home enough to give a dog the attention it needs full time. Last night Josie woke me up because she had to go out so i let her out and when she came back in she ran right into my room and jumped up on the bed. I found this really funny because i hadn't let her sleep in there at all, until i noticed that her feet were muddy and now my bed had doggy prints on the sheets. Even though i was super tired i was still able to find the whole thing kinda funny and was able to go back to sleep pretty quickly, her in her bed and me in mine.
On Friday morning I went to the hospital at 8am to watch Scarlett while my sister and Chris went to Stanford. Luckily they got moved out of ICU so things were pretty chill. I was only there for about 15 minutes and the doctors started coming in to see her. First the physical therapist she just looks at Scarlett and pushes her legs, arms and checks her suck. Then i was visited by the resident who just looked at her and said yep she looks fine and left. Then came the nutritionist and a social worker. Some of the people knew i was the Aunt but some of them hadn't met Brandi before or had only seen her once and were a little confused. I kept having to tell them that i was the aunt and that her parents would be back soon. While there my mother In law came to hang out with me which was nice cause it can get a little boring in the hospital. Everything went well and I was able to get Scarlett to smile a few different times. She seems just like she did before. The only difference is she has a huge scar on her head and her eyes look left alot but not always.
Every time i take care of a baby or child it reminds me how much I want a child of my own. I feel like taking care of children is a very natural thing for me. I was feeding Scarlett when the social worker came in and she was tired and a little lazy about eating so I was un wrapping the blankets off her and getting her to eat. The Social worker said "oh wow you know all the tricks". It felt good to know even people i don't know can see it in me. even though i am nervous about getting pregnant I really can't wait.
On Friday morning I went to the hospital at 8am to watch Scarlett while my sister and Chris went to Stanford. Luckily they got moved out of ICU so things were pretty chill. I was only there for about 15 minutes and the doctors started coming in to see her. First the physical therapist she just looks at Scarlett and pushes her legs, arms and checks her suck. Then i was visited by the resident who just looked at her and said yep she looks fine and left. Then came the nutritionist and a social worker. Some of the people knew i was the Aunt but some of them hadn't met Brandi before or had only seen her once and were a little confused. I kept having to tell them that i was the aunt and that her parents would be back soon. While there my mother In law came to hang out with me which was nice cause it can get a little boring in the hospital. Everything went well and I was able to get Scarlett to smile a few different times. She seems just like she did before. The only difference is she has a huge scar on her head and her eyes look left alot but not always.
Every time i take care of a baby or child it reminds me how much I want a child of my own. I feel like taking care of children is a very natural thing for me. I was feeding Scarlett when the social worker came in and she was tired and a little lazy about eating so I was un wrapping the blankets off her and getting her to eat. The Social worker said "oh wow you know all the tricks". It felt good to know even people i don't know can see it in me. even though i am nervous about getting pregnant I really can't wait.
Friday, January 14, 2011
It's about time...
We just found out that Scarlett is back in the ICU. My sister and chris are up there waiting to see her. I am sure my sister will update everyone on the specifics later but everything went well. She is moving around already and doing well. The waiting game is over for tonight. Now in the days to come we will learn what the next steps for Scarlett will be. Thank you everyone for the love and support.
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