Zoey Michelle

Zoey's Story

On Memorial Day weekend of 2010 I found out I was pregnant. We were soo excited. We got pregnant on our first try which was a complete surprise because i have PCOS and thought i would always have a hard time getting pregnant.
My pregnancy was going really well. I didn't have any morning sickness and other than being tired all the time I didn't have any side effects. On September 13 we had our 20 week ultrasound and found out it was a girl. I already knew I wanted to name her Zoey. Mike nicknamed her our Little Ladybug and we had picked out  ladybug decor for her room and put it on or registry that week.

At 21 weeks I started having a thick vaginal discharge on and off throughout the week. I thought it was weird but asked around and was told not to worry it was probably that i was dehydrated. I made sure to drink more water than I was and convinced myself it was normal. At week 22 I was at a family dinner Sunday night and started having some little cramps. Again everything i read said that cramps were normal when the muscles are stretching so i didn't worry. Tuesday night September 28 i went out to dinner with some friends and my mom and mentioned i had been having pretty sharp short lived pains. My mom and other friend that had kids told me i should call the doctor just to make sure it was nothing.

Wednesday The 29th was my 25th birthday. I called the doctor in the morning and they asked me to come in and said i might have a bladder infection. Mike was on the ship at the time so i was going to go to the doctor alone. Then right before i left for the doctor i had some spotting. This freaked me out so i called my mom and asked her to come with me to the doctor.

We got to the doctor at 2pm and I saw the Midwife. She got out all the tools and started doing an exam. She got about 1 minute into the exam and stopped and went to get the doctor. Luckily my doctor was still in the office and she came in to do the exam. She found that my cervix was 2cm dilated. She told me to go straight to the hospital (which was down the street) and that i was going to be admitted and they would have to put me in a bed with my head lower than my feet and then put in a cerclage. I called Mike on my way to the hospital and told him what was going on.

Once i got to the hospital I went to Labor and Delivery right away. I got settled in, had an IV put in as well as a catheter because they didn't want me to get up at all. They also put monitors on me for the baby and contractions. I could hear zoey's heartbeat and hear her kick the monitor.  About an hour after i got there the doctor came in to check me and swab for some tests. When she examined me she found out that i was 6cm. While taking the swabs she was explaining to me some of my options. She left the room to look at one of the swabs. I called mike to explain to him what she had told me. Within a couple minutes she returns with the nurse. As soon as she walked in the room she started crying. She told me I no longer had any options and that the swab she took was to see if my water had broke and it had already.

I put Mike on speaker phone so he could hear what the doctor had to say.  We were devastated. The doctor and nurse were crying with my mom, Mike and I. Mike and I hung up with each other after a few minutes because he had to go talk to his captain to get a flight home. After I hung up i asked the doctor if i had to be awake during everything. She said yes that i had to deliver normally because it would be the best and safest thing to do. She then broke my water the rest of the way and found that there was merconium in the fluid. She was shocked because she had never seen merconium at this early of a delivery.

They started me on pitocin and increased it throughout the night. By 2am my contractions were unbearable. I asked for an epidural. I was really scared to get an epidural and it only got worse as it was happening. The doctor was taking forever and had to give me 3 different doses of drugs to relax me. Finally after 45mins i had my epidural and I could relax. I delivered Zoey at 8:29am on September 30th. She weighed only 1lb 1oz. As soon as she was born the doctor placed her in my arms and she stayed there until she stopped moving and went to heaven. I am so happy and lucky i got those 5-10minutes with her. She got to hear mikes voice as he told her he loved her through the phone.

Mike was able to get there by 11pm that night and was able to see and hold her. The nurses took some beautiful pictures for us of her and gave us a memory box with a hat, some little clothes, a heart shaped pillow and her footprints. Mike stayed with me in the hospital that night and i was able to go home the next morning. I was lucky to come out of this healthy and just heartbroken.


  1. Oh my gosh - tears for you Lindi. No one should ever have to go through this. I am so so sorry. I'm glad you had some time with Zoey too, and I'm so glad to hear that Mike could be there by that night to also meet his first born.

    This is all so new to you still, but trust me, things will get easier in time. Zoey will always be a part of you and you will always remember her, but the pain will lessen.


  2. A friend of mine asked us to start a prayer chain for your niece and we are all praying so very hard. Your story really touched me. We lost our son, Paxton at approximately the same gestational age on Sept. 17th. It was an awful day for us. My son had a chromosomal anomaly, Trisomy 18. We chose to carry him as long as we possibly could, but his heart just wasn't strong enough. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. We have an almost three year old son as well. I just wanted you to know that your strength and love is admired and that your family, all of you are in our prayers. I also wanted to tell you that having a cerclage and bed rest is not bad at all. I have a girlfriend who had nearly the same issue with her cervix opening too soon. It is possible that even with the ultrasounds, you could be placed on bed rest. It sounds like you have a strong, determined, and very supportive family. Good luck and I am sorry to hear about all the grief your family has had to face.

  3. I'm so sorry Lindi for what you have been through. I know that those moments that you spent with Zoey are very precious to you. They will be some of the most treasured of your life. Lauren is right that things will get better in time. The pain will always be there and there will be moments even years out when it feels like those early days but there is hope. You move forward with you baby always in your heart.

  4. I came across your blogg from your sisters blog about Scarlett. I want you to know that I too have PCOS and also lost my daughter. She was stillborn at 34 weeks. I already knew she would not be born alive as an ultrasound showed no heartbeat two days prior. I had what appeared to be a healthy normal pregnancy until 29 weeks. I want you to know, that 4 years and 7 months later I gave birth to a health happy baby boy. I had not tried before to get pregnant, so the lapse in time has nothing to do with it being hard to get pregnant. AS a matter of fact it only took two months. KNow that you had the privlige to hold an angle in your amrs and one day she will watch over her little brother or sister. It is easier said then done, but when you do get pregnant, try not to worry so much. I found that compared to my first pregnancy this one was so much more nerve wrecking. I feel like I almost missed the joy of it by filling it with all of my fears. Not to cause drama with the other comments, but the pain never gets easier. Never...you just learn to live life with the pain. I cry for my daughter often and the moment my son was born I cried for everything I would share with him that I was never able to share with her. At night when I nursed him I cried thinking that I wish I could feel that amazing bond with my Isabella.

  5. its really heart breaking to stubble across one blog about a very sick beautiful babygirl a.k.a butterfly, but its very very heartbreaking that as i follow that blog i find more and more families that are going through or have went through the same thing or even worse. It just makes me wish i had a magic wand and could zap it and make everyone better again...but we all know thats very much impossible and as hard as it is to have to deal with a tragedy like this i hope that you and your family stay strong. My prayers are with you and your family as well as i have been following "butterfly" every single day i pray for a 2011 miracle for that precious very beautiful babygirl. STAY STRONG.

  6. Hi. You don't know me, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry that you had such a short time to spend with your little girl. I also had PCOS. Our first baby was born very prematurely too and lived for about a day before passing away. But, after being blessed with a GREAT perinatologist for my 2nd pregnancy, we now have a beautiful little girl who is the biggest joy. My best wishes to you and your husband to be able to add to your family soon!

  7. Hi Lindi.. I am so sorry you had to go thru this. I had the same experience. I delivered my daughter at 22 weeks in Jan 2006 due to an incompetent cervix. But I was too scared to look at my baby.. And i will always regret not having seen her and held her.. She was my baby after all, i feel so guilty for doing it..

  8. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot ever imagine anything close to the pain of losing my baby. I think of you and pray for you for peace in your life and for you to be able to have another baby. I hope I don't upset you further by adding that my baby's name is Zoey. Spelled the exact same way. I think of you every time I see her and I hold her a little tighter. She was born in September 2010. God bless to you and your family.

  9. Hey, I found your blog on BBC's "TTC after a 2nd/3rd trimester loss group." I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for your loss. Your story breaks my heart :( I hope that you are able to find some peace. Congrats on your rainbow, though! Hope you have a H&H 9 months! :)

  10. Hi Lindi! Just found your blog after reading your sister's tribute to you and Zoey and Mike. So great that you and your sister have such a close bond; I hope you treasure that. My husband and I lost our little boy Michael and I agree with some of the comments above. Michael became our angel 23 years ago and I still cry at times and my heart aches. But I have learned to "manage" the pain and I never forget him even though most of my extended family has...or at least they don't speak of it...probably to "spare" my feelings.

    Anyway, enough about me. I love, love, LOVE, the pictures of Zoey! What long lovely fingers she has. I bet she's playing in heaven's orchestra!

  11. Sorry to hear dat the same happen to me on Dec.8 2008 how do u get over it or do u.... I was very young at the time