Saturday, December 10, 2011


Since the last few weeks of my pregnancy I have been very emotional. Since I delivered it has only gotten worse. I cry over any and everything. Recovery overall hasn't been easy by any means.

For me the whole C-section experience comes with a lot of disappointment and sadness. I had looked forward to giving birth. I wanted to see Mike cut the umbilical cord and get to have Caleb lay on my chest when we was first born. There were so many things I looked forward to.

When I gave birth to Zoey it was not a happy time. Mike wasn't there, nobody cut her cord (well the Dr. did I think), the Dr wasn't excited, I got to hold her but I was surrounded by sad faces and crying not happy excited people. I had looked forward to delivering her as well and felt like that experience was taken from me. I had hoped that this time around it would be different and I would get to experience all the things I had hoped for.
I was there when my sister delivered, when my friend Tara delivered, and I was there during labor and shortly after delivery for two other friends all who had normal vaginal deliveries. I knew what it could be like.

When I was told I was having a C-section I was once again surrounded by worried faces. After he was born I didn't get to hold him, I barely got to see him, Mike didn't get to cut the cord, our family and friends didn't get to celebrate with us after he was born. Since I was having such problems I didn't get to hold him until the next day. The Dr. waited so long to decide to give me a C-section that by the time he was born our friends and family all had to leave so they could only see him through the window in the nursery while they washed him and did various things. ( I was in surgery still so I;m not sure what all they did). I don't have pictures of all our family holding him that day and because of the stress in the hospital i don't have pictures of my family holding him at all.

I know having a C-section was the best thing for him and me. If I had delivered him vaginally he might not have made it because the Dr found his umbilical cord around his neck twice. I remind myself that having a healthy baby was the most important thing how it happened was not. As much as I know this it is still hard sometimes. 

I started this post about 2 weeks ago now so everything above this was written earlier. In the last couple weeks I have been able to come to terms more with my feelings on how his delivery went. I am still disappointed about all the things I mentioned above and it is still hard to watch those baby shows where women give birth and everything goes perfect. But some words of wisdom from another mom who had C-sections helped me alot. She told me that "normal is different for everyone. They make giving birth sound like everyone has a great vaginal birth but not everyone does. Having had a C-section was my normal". This seemed obvious but hearing someone else who had been through it tell me that helped. I hope if we have another baby (which at this point both mike and I are at the hell no we aren't having any more stage but everyone swears that passes) I can have a vaginal birth but I know now what to be prepared for if I don't.

Monday, November 28, 2011

C Section

I wanted to share what it was like for me to have a C Section. Mike and I hadn't really read a lot about it and weren't really prepared for me to have to have one. It was a shock when I wasn't progressing and the Dr. finally decided I needed one. Once I was told that was what was best everything went really quickly. Multiple Dr's came in to talk to me or to do things to me. A nurse came in and shaved the area where the incision would be. This was a little odd because I couldn't really see what she was doing and I'm not sure who was in the room at this point but whoever was there was seeing it. (since starting this post I saw pictures today and found out pretty much everyone was there).  Mike was given a shirt, pants, mask and cap to put on. I had to put on a hair net type cap.

Once I was ready to go they wheeled me down the hall and into the operating room. Mike got to stay at my side the whole time. I was glad he was there because I have seen lots of hospitals where the dad has to wait till the mom is on the table and ready. The nurses and some other people probably residents or interns lifted me and pulled me onto the operating table since my legs were numb from the epidural. The position they put you in is very uncomfortable. My arms were out to the sides and my head was on a pillow thing. I had IV's, a blood pressure cuff that went off every few minutes, a pulse ox monitor on my finger and the epidural catheter in my back. They also had me wear an oxygen mask until after Caleb was born.

There were lots of people in the room, I don't know if that is normal but I assume there were more people there because Stanford is a teaching hospital so there were attendings and residents and some people that seemed to just stand around and watch. The only people I could see because of the curtain across my chest were the 4 anesthesiologists. Most of the time one of them attended to me and the rest stood around and chatted about who knows what but not me. Before everything started Mike and I asked the resident closest to us how long the surgery would take and he said the baby will be out in 20 min but the surgery can take between 1 and 2 hours. I was a little shocked because I had no idea it took that long.

The first thing i remember once the Dr came in and the surgery started is the horrible smell of burning flesh. Mike and I were both caught off guard by it. Later we asked and the Dr told us they use a scalpel to cut but then they cauterize any bleeding that happens and that was the smell. It was about 20 minutes in that the Dr. asked for the table to be lowered and tilted with my head down slightly so they could get Caleb out. I could feel them pulling and pushing but no pain of any kind. Once Caleb was out Mike was able to go straight over to him and see him get weighed and cleaned up on the warmer. Caleb was crying for a little bit but not tons. We heard the Dr say something that neither one of us knew the meaning of until later. He was explaining to the resident that Caleb's cord was wrapped around his neck 2 times and that it was rare to see. (of course he used big medical words we didn't know). Mike came back and forth between me and Caleb to tell me about him and then he was able to bring him over to me. Mike and I were both tearing up getting to see him for the first time. He was so quiet and had his eyes open really big looking at me. I gave him a kiss, we took a picture and a few minutes after that he had to go to the nursery. Mike left at that point to stay with him which was one of the few things we had talked about before even going to the hospital was that I would want Mike to stay with him and not me.

After they left a bunch of the people in the OR left as well. The group of anesthesiologists went down to just one resident who apparently was on call because he was answering his cell phone the whole time. Laying on the table was really uncomfortable. My back and shoulders started to get really sore and I was freezing cold especially my right hand since it was the one hooked up to all the monitors. I could also feel the cold liquid as it entered my epidural catheter and ran down my back, i think they did that a handful of times.  The sounds of the surgery were also surprising to me. I could hear things, I assume liquids, hitting the curtain at my chest and I heard them staple the incision at the end. I also felt a little uneasy at one point when I heard the Dr counting the instruments and gauze and heard him ask about a pair of scissors. I heard him ask everyone to look for them and to even look at their feet. They did find them thank god but it wasn't what I wanted to hear. This part of the surgery seemed to take forever and I remember asking the anesthesiologist a couple times how much longer or how far they were.

After I was done I got moved onto another bed and then taken to the recovery area in L&D. That is where they found out I had an infection and started the antibiotics. They also massaged my abdomen t ohelp with bleeding or something. This is one of the most painful things they had to stop even touching my abdomen at one point because I was so sore. I was in recovery for around an hour. My mom and sister were able to come see me for a few minutes but because it was past visiting hours they all had to leave. Mike came and saw me and at one point brought Caleb with him but I was in so much pain and having problems I couldn't hold him or anything.

The last major thing that happened was when Mike was with Caleb in the nursery and the nurses were getting me settled in the postpartum room, which I didn't have to share because I had a C section. The nurses were moving me from one bed to the other and I couldn't really help so they slid me over on this air mattress thing. Then when they had to remove the air mattress they had me roll to one side and then the other. When I rolled to the second side I was unable to breathe it felt like my throat had closed up. I was gasping for air and the nurses had to give me oxygen and just before they were about to push the emergency button I was able to take a breath and start breathing again. Nobody knows why I stopped being able to breathe but once I could again they didn't seem to worry anymore.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Caleb Michael haight

On Thursday November 10, 2011 Caleb was born at 8lbs 4oz. Since then our lives have been very crazy, which is why it has taken me so long to blog about him being born.

On Thursday morning around 3 am I started having contractions at home. I had been up all night unable to sleep and let Mike sleep in until about 5:30am. Around 6 I decided we should head to the hospital because my contractions were pretty strong and I didn't want to get caught in commute traffic to the hospital which is about 45 min from our house. The drive to the hospital was very painful as I had contractions and driving over bumps in the road.

Once we got to the hospital we went straight up to L&D and they placed me in a little room to check me out and make sure I was really in labor. Mike and I took the time we had to wait to call our moms so they could come to the hospital. The Dr. did a quick ultrasound and determined I was fully in labor at 4-5cm, 50% effaced and +2. They then moved me to a regular L&D room.

After getting settled into our room around 7am there were many nurses and Dr's because it was shift change time. I got an IV and shortly after that a resident came in to talk to me about an epidural. I didn't want one at first but after about 6 hours of horrible back labor I gave in and got one. Back labor is so much more painful than the labor pains I had with Zoey. I requested that an attending do it and not a resident because of my bad past experiences. I ended up having 3 people do it, an attending and 2 residents. The attending took the opportunity to teach the residents how to place an epidural using an ultrasound. I was very pleased with these Dr's and I got an amazing epidural.

Shortly after I got the epidural my mom and sister showed up and a little later Mike's mom got there. The timing on everything from this point on is a bit of a blur for me. I was in labor and just relaxing mostly for a good majority of the day. I was starving since you can't eat and I was tired from not sleeping the night before but I was too excited to sleep anyways. I had a few visitors during the day my dad came, my friend Leslie came and the nurses were amazing and let us have extra people there.

A few times throughout the day Caleb's heartbeat was low and the Dr's and nurses came rushing in to have me lay on my other side and toward the later part of the day I was given oxygen to help him. Around 8pm (i think) our friends Kelly and Julio got there to visit. Within 20 minutes of them getting there the Dr came in to check me and told me I wasn't making any progress. I was dilated to 7cm but Caleb was still really high at +2. At this point the Dr told me I was going to have to have a C section because I was just not progressing enough and Caleb was looking to be in a bit of distress.

I was really scared and nervous about having a C section and I could see it in Mike's face that he was upset about it too. I started crying and asked someone to go out and get my mom since she had gone to the waiting room while I had other friends there. It was a good thing I had gotten an epidural already because it was one less thing I had to get before surgery. I will write about what it was like to have a c section in another blog post.

Mike got to stay with me the whole time and Caleb was born at 9:33pm. I got to see him and then Mike went with him to the nursery while they finished my surgery. After surgery I went to the recovery area and they found out I had an infection so they started me on antibiotics. They tested Caleb and luckily he didn't get the infection. When my epidural wore off they tried to give me a couple different drugs for the pain. One being morphine. None of the drugs they gave me were helping, apparently I don't respond to those types of drugs so it wasn't until a few hours after I got into my postpartum room that I got a drug that helped. Once I was in my room Mike and Caleb came in. Because of the pain I was in and the lack of strong drugs I wasn't able to hold him or nurse him until the next morning.

Due to the infection I had to be in the hospital for 4 days. Most of that time I had an IV in each hand and couldn't do to much with Caleb. Mike was amazing and took care of me and Caleb the whole time. He did all of the diaper changes for the first 3 days. It is such an amazing feeling to finally have our little boy here with us healthy and strong.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

38 weeks

This week I am finally 38 weeks and today I'm almost 39. It feels great to have gotten this far in the pregnancy with no problems at all. Now I am just waiting for him to come and getting more and more impatient each day. He is very active still and likes to stretch a lot which Mike finds entertaining but I find fairly uncomfortable.

I had my weekly check up on Thursday. Everything is looking good. My cervix was about 1cm dilated and I was 50% effaced. My belly was measuring larger than it had been so the dr had me go get an ultrasound to check how big he is. The ultrasound isn't exact but they said he is 8lbs 5oz already. She also confirmed he is a boy and said he has a good head of hair. It's amazing what they can tell in those blurry pictures. Thankfully he is still head down.

Overall I am just feeling ready to be done being pregnant. I am very tired all the time and have been having some contractions but nothing major. I have been very emotional in the last week or so too. Poor mike has been doing well dealing with my craziness. Hopefully the next time I post will be with pictures and baby stats.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


A couple weeks ago I had a photo shoot with a family friend Krista Lucas. Mike was supposed to be there but because his work schedule changed he was gone. We did the photo shoot at a park in Newark. She took my pictures at the same time as Scarlett's birthday photos which worked out well because when S got fussy she got a break while I was taking pictures.

In the pictures I am 36 weeks pregnant. Now I am 38 weeks and feel like each day my belly just gets bigger and bigger. I don't know if I am dilated at all yet but I have had a few contractions and lots of pressure from him dropping. I hope to go into labor soon but I have to keep reminding myself that he will come when he is good and ready.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Caleb's Room

 I finally have some pictures of what we have been up to in his room. They aren't the best pictures but I wanted to post them so you all could see. His room is a little messy because I haven't put everything away yet. It seems like every time I get it all put away we get more stuff, which is awesome but hard to keep everything organized.

The Christmas teddy bear was one I had when I was little and the other two bears are ones that Mike and I made at build a bear when we were dating.

The window valance that my sister made with the fabric that Mike picked out and decided we had to have in Caleb's room.

My talented sister made this crib skirt as well. It's nice having people that can sew in the family.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

36 Weeks

Yesterday I had my cerclage taken out. My Dr had told me that it wouldn't be too bad so they do it in the office and once they get it set up it should only take a couple minutes. Well like many things my situation was not like normal. My cervix is tilted and further back than normal. Also the stitch was as the Dr. said well placed and hard to pull and cut. It ended up taking about 45 minutes and was much more painful than I expected. On the doctors last attempt before sending me to L&D to have it removed with an epidural she was able to get it out. The Dr apologized afterward for it being worse than she thought it would be and not being able to prepare me better. She also told my mom who was with me that I deserve to be pampered when I got home. Mike was at work so my mom filled in for him, which I am really grateful for because she helped remind me to breathe and relax though it. Luckily Mike gets home today. (it's currently midnight on Thursday morning and his flight gets in at 8:30am). I thought about staying the night at my parents just in case I had to go to the hospital tonight but I was feeling ok and figured I would sleep better at home.

The Dr measured my belly and said I am still measuring big so although it isn't exact she thinks Caleb will be bigger but not huge. They checked his heartbeat, which was normal and checked that he is still head down and it is. After the cerclage came out the Dr checked my cervix and said it still felt closed and long. I am really hoping to go into labor in the next week or two instead of at or past my due date in three. Caleb is pretty active throughout the day and gets the hiccups at least twice a day these days.

Before Mike went to work last week we were very busy getting Caleb's room all put together. We got everything we still needed, we set up the pack in play in our room, we packed the suitcase for the hospital, and started cleaning up the whole house. I feel pretty ready for Caleb's arrival. I will try to take pictures of his room this week and post them for you all to see.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

35 Weeks

Last Sunday we had our baby shower. It was great to see all our friends and family together to celebrate Caleb. My friends Leslie and Kelly did a great job putting it all together for us and making amazing vegan food for everyone to enjoy. We heard many people say they never knew vegan food could be soo good. Mike wanted to be included so we invited both men and women to the shower which was fun. The boys got to watch football and drink beer while the ladies chatted. There was a onesie decorating table which showed off how artistically gifted many of our friends and family are. My sister made me a diaper boat with not only diapers but blankets and burp cloths that she made. (her blog has a how to if anyone is interested) I am so thankful to everyone that came and all the great gifts we received. I can't wait for Caleb to be here to meet everyone.

Thursday I had another Dr. appointment. Everything is still going smoothly. Caleb's heartbeat was good and all my stats (blood pressure, belly measurement...)  were good. I am still measuring a week to two weeks bigger but the Dr. said that was normal. I didn't have to have an exam this week because they no longer worry about me going into labor. I thought my cerclage was going to come out on Oct. 26th but my Dr. changed her mind and decided to do it Oct. 19th because I was going to be seeing her that day anyways. They take the stitch out in the office and she made it sound like it wouldn't be too bad. Since it looks like Mike will be at work my mom is going to come with me just in case.

Mike and I have been working on Caleb's room a lot since he got home. We installed a closet organizer, got the furniture put in and the crib put together. I washed and started putting away all the clothes and items we have received from people. I am slowly starting to organize his stuff so we know where things are. We still have some items we need to get but not too many.

My mom and sister are going to come over in the next week or so and help me make a crib skirt and window valance since they got the sewing genes and I didn't. I can do it but they are much better at it. They are also going to clean my house for me because my mom asked me last week what I wanted to my birthday and I said a good house cleaning before Caleb arrives. It kinda makes me laugh knowing that's what I wanted because I remember my mom saying that every year for her birthday, and as a kid thinking oh yeah whatever. But now I see she probably really meant it most years.

Friday, September 30, 2011

1 year ago today

The view from our balcony
Me at 34 weeks
Yesterday was my 26th Birthday. Mike and I went on a mini vacation out to Half Moon Bay and stayed at this great little bed and breakfast called the Cypress Inn. Our room over looked the beach and we were able to leave the doors to our balcony open and just listen to the waves crash. We also got massages which felt wonderful on my sore muscles. The day was so relaxing and gave Mike and I time to just spend together without anything else going on.

One year ago today Zoey was born and went to heaven at 8:29am. I miss her everyday and wish she could be here with us but I know that just wasn't Gods plan for her and us. I like to think that Zoey is watching over us from heaven keeping Mike, Caleb and I safe. Last night Mike and I talked about how we both feel very at peace with having lost Zoey. There are still parts of our story that bring tears to my eyes when I tell people or hear others talk about it. Mike and I read my sisters blog post last night about Zoey and both of us teared up reading about the moments when I was holding Zoey in my arms and Mike talking to her over the phone. It was hard to read but good at the same time, it helped us to express how we were feeling and start the conversation about it. Today Mike and I went for a nice walk on the beach. The beach and water is a huge part of our lives and symbolizes many things for us. Having scattered Zoey's ashes off the coast of Half Moon Bay was so special for us and I am so glad we can go there often and remember our little ladybug.

Our footprints on the beach

Last week we were waiting to hear back about my blood tests and I am happy to report that everything came back normal. I do not have a bile acid problem and everything from now on will be treated like a normal pregnancy. Finding this out was a huge relief and another reminder at how lucky we are to have Caleb in our lives. Mike and I are still nervous about the things that could still go wrong but know that we can handle whatever comes our way. Mike and I feel that losing  Zoey when we did was her way of making it possible for me to have Caleb and hopefully other children. Many things could have gone worse a year ago but they didn't, my infection didn't cause me to lose my uterus, I didn't get sick or have any other problems and Zoey didn't suffer. I feel so lucky to finally be 34 weeks and can't wait for my baby shower this weekend. Finally being past the point where the Dr would want to stop labor if it happened is a big milestone in my eyes and i look forward to Caleb being with us in a matter of weeks.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

33 Weeks

This week I am 33 Weeks pregnant. Only one week away from the time the Dr. says they won't even worry about stopping labor if I go into it. It feels good to know that at this point I could deliver a healthy baby who might not even need to go to the NICU.

How I'm Feeling: I still have pretty bad heartburn. Luckily I can take Zantac and Tums which seems to be helping most of the time. I am still itching all over my body but other than those two things I actually feel pretty good. I am starting to feel ready to be done with pregnancy. Creating a life is an amazing experience that I feel so happy and lucky to have gotten to experience but it really takes a toll on a woman to share her body with another human. Caleb is pretty active at certain times of day but not the same times everyday which when I am wanting to sleep can get annoying. This week I started experiencing a new pregnancy symptom swollen feet and hands. My sister had lots of swelling with Scarlett and I hoped I wouldn't but Friday it hit and I have had it everyday since. Other than being annoying it doesn't really effect me too much.

Dr. Appointment: This week I saw my Dr. for my normal check up. I had an exam again and she said everything looked good. My cervix is still long and closed. I then had a blood test done at the end because there is a concern about my itching. There is a condition called Cholestasis which causes the liver to produce too much bile acid which causes itching without rashes. The blood test takes a week to come back so I am waiting to hear if this is what I have. The Dr. said if I do have it then I would be put on a medication to help reduce the acid and then I would have to be induced at 37 weeks. I am pretty anxious to find out and Mike and I are nervous because what we have read about Cholestasis is kinda scary, although the Dr. didn't act like it was that big of a deal.

Baby Preparations: Mike and I have gotten a bunch of stuff for Caleb's room but since Mike just got home Thursday we haven't put it all together soon. The furniture company called to tell me the crib and dresser are ready to be picked up so we will do that Monday. I am really excited to get all of Caleb's stuff together. I have some baby stuff already but after the baby shower next weekend we will make sure and get anything else we need. Getting baby stuff into the house really makes this whole thing feel so real. I am so excited to get to have Caleb here and to finally have and use all the things I had started looking at a year ago for Zoey.

This week is Mine and Zoey's birthdays.. I will write more about all of this later but I wanted to share that although it reminds me of a sad time in our lives I am actually not feeling sad about it. I feel so blessed to have Caleb coming into our lives and I know that his big sister Zoey is watching over us keeping us safe. I also am looking forward to my birthday trip with Mike to Half Moon Bay.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Recipe: Roasted Sweet Potato Corn Chowder

I made this recipe tonight and thought I would share. It came out really good and was pretty easy to make.  Didn't have regular potatoes or shallots so I just didn't add them and added a little more red union than called for. It comes out sweet and savory and the celery gives it a little crunch.
Roasted Sweet Potato Corn Chowder
Ingredients Serves: 10 

sweet potato (peeled and cubed)
1 tbsp
corn oil


12 oz
corn kernels (frozen, thawed)
1 cup
1 1/2 cup
celery (finely diced)
1 cup
red onion (diced)
1/4 cup
shallot (minced)
1 tbsp
tomato paste
1/2 tsp
thyme leaves (dried)
3 cup
vegetable broth
bay leaf
1 tsp
potatoes (peeled and cubed)
2 tbsp
fresh parsley (chopped)


-Preheat an oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). Place the sweet potatoes into a 9x13 inch baking dish, drizzle with 1 tablespoon of corn oil, and season with salt and pepper. Stir to coat the sweet potatoes in oil.

-Roast in the preheated oven until the sweet potatoes are golden and tender, 15 to 20 minutes. Stir occasionally as they cook so the sweet potatoes cook evenly.

-Meanwhile, measure out 1 cup of corn kernels and set aside. Place the remaining corn into a blender, and puree with the water until smooth; set aside.

-Heat the remaining 1 tablespoon of corn oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the celery, onion, and shallot. Cook and stir until the onion has softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in the tomato paste and dried thyme leaves; cook 1 minute more. Pour in the vegetable broth, corn puree, bay leaf, salt, and cubed potato. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce the heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the potato is tender, 25 to 35 minutes.

-Once the potato is tender, remove and discard the bay leaf. Stir in the whole corn kernels, sweet potato, and chopped parsley. Return to a simmer and season to taste with salt and pepper before serving.

Friday, September 9, 2011

30 Weeks

I am finally 30 weeks. I feel like even though I have come so far 10 weeks is a long time to still be pregnant. Currently Caleb is kicking hard enough to shake the computer a little on my lap as I type. His kicks are much less painful these days and are more enjoyable to get to see and feel. As he gets bigger some of the not so fun parts of pregnancy are coming back. My heartburn is pretty bad again, I get nauseous often I think mostly when I eat because there isn't enough room, I have a hard time taking deep breaths and my sleep is a battle every night. Aside from all of that I actually feel pretty good.

I had a Dr. Appointment yesterday. So far everything is still looking really good. My cervix is still long and closed. My Dr wants to keep seeing me every 2 weeks which I kinda like because it gives me reassurance that I am doing well every other week. I will continue to have my cervix checked until 34 weeks. After that she said if i go into labor they won't worry about stopping it so they don't feel they need to check me anymore. Each appointment they measure my belly to see how everything is growing and each time I am measuring bigger. This week I am 30 weeks but I measured between 32 and 33 weeks. I worry he is going to be a huge baby and since there is a bit of family history with big babies the Dr said we will do an ultrasound later on to check how he is doing and how big he is.

Mike and I have done some stuff for Caleb's room but not a ton. I ordered a dresser that matches the crib and I got a closet organizer system we will install when Mike gets back from work. My plan is to have everything ready by the middle of October. After the baby shower I am sure I will have much more to do. This week I started finding and making recipes that I can freeze for us to have after Caleb is born. My first success was vegan pot pies. Next I will try pumpkin gingerbread scones.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

3 Year Anniversary

Yesterday was Mine and Mike's 3 year anniversary. It feels like these last few years have just flown by. We have done so many thing in such a short amount of time. After the wedding we went to Tahiti for our honeymoon, then by Feb 09 we bought a house, In June we went to Europe for 3 weeks, October Mike started taking classes in Florida, I made 3 trips to Florida to see him between Oct 09 and April 10 when he finished. Then in May we found out I was pregnant with Zoey, Our 2 year anniversary we took a trip to Oregon to spend time with friends while they had their second baby, Then Sept 30 we lost Zoey, Feb 11 we went to Las Vegas for Valentines day, by the end of Feb we found out I was pregnant with Caleb and Now I am almost 31 weeks pregnant.

I feel so blessed to have gotten to do so many things. Although I know the traveling in our lives has and will stay slowed down I hope that we can show Caleb different parts of the country and world. Mike and I have discussed how we would love to be able to take a family vacation each year. Some years maybe just a camping trip others I hope we can go to places like back to Europe.

This year Mike was at work for our anniversary. Because of his schedule he is home for every other year. Each year that he is gone for a birthday or anniversary he sends me flowers. The picture below is the bouquet I got yesterday. It smells amazing and fills the whole house with the smell of stargazer lilies which are the flowers we had at our wedding.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

29 Weeks

This week was another super busy week. It feels amazing to be 29 weeks pregnant. As much as I love feeling Caleb move and the feeling of being pregnant I am also feeling ready for Caleb to be out of me. He likes to kick my bladder and cervix which can be very uncomfortable and a little painful at times.

On Thursday Mike and I were running errands in SF then went to the hospital for a tour. LPCH doesn't do official tours they just let you come and check it out whenever you want and luckily they had rooms empty that we could see. The L&D room was pretty generic, nothing too special. The postpartum rooms are mostly shared with a few private rooms. The nurse told us that they try to give people their own rooms but it really depends on how many other women deliver that day. They do have a webcam in the room so you can skype with people that can't come visit at the hospital. I really hope I don't have to share and if I do I pray it is a considerate person who knows how to act in that kind of situation.

After the tour I decided to go over and see my Dr. I had been feeling kinda sick all day and had a lot of cramps in my lower abdomen. They weren't terribly painful but really uncomfortable. The nurse during the tour said I should get checked out so I did. The Dr was able to fit me in to her busy schedule and did a quick exam to check that my cervix was still closed. Everything was fine and still doing really well. I was supposed to have another apt this week but she said I could push it back a week since she knew things were going well. I am glad I went in to be checked just because if I sit and worry about what it could be then it only gets worse. 

Mike finished painting Caleb's room and replaced all the base boards. It looks really good so far. We also purchased picture frames to put the pictures I had printed in. The crib is ordered and today I bought a pack n play that I plan to use in our bedroom as a bassinet/co-sleeper. I wasn't going to buy any of that kind of stuff yet but my mom, sister and I were at babies r us and we had old stuff that we traded in for a 25% off coupon. Also the color I wanted isn't available anymore so it was hit or miss if you can find one.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

27 Weeks

Wow I have been so busy the last couple of weeks. My scout group went on their annual week long summer cruise to the delta. I wasn't able to go on the whole cruise but I did drive up with Leslie on Tuesday and then I spent the weekend out there as well. It was nice to get away and I got a little tan too. I did miss getting to swim all around and going out on the ski boat. This is the second summer I haven't been able to go wake boarding. Hopefully next summer I will get a chance.  In the week before they left I was planning the meals for the cruise and then did the shopping for them. On top of all of this Mike was gone for almost 7 weeks this time. His ship moved from Louisiana to Oregon and he stayed for the 21 day sail through the panama canal. He finally got home Monday this week and with time being limited we have been busy since I picked him up from the airport. 

It feels great to be 27 almost 28 weeks pregnant already. Caleb is very active sometimes and today he was really bouncing around all over the place. Mike got to feel him move yesterday which was pretty exciting for him. Overall I feel pretty good, nothing too miserable. I am still tired all the time which I hope will get better but I doubt it will. I sleep ok, some nights I sleep really well and others I barely get any rest. My stomach seems to grow more and more each day. Luckily I have only gained about 13 lbs so far. I hope not to gain too much more and the Dr said I don't have to, but I'm sure I will gain some. I had a check up yesterday with the Dr. They checked my cervix and said everything was looking really good. It seems silly to keep having Appointments every 2 weeks especially because they are really quick and simple but I kind of like hearing how well things are going all the time.

Mike and I are currently working on Caleb's room.  We picked out and purchased the paint and the new baseboards. Mike is doing most of the work because he doesn't want me to be around the paint and things. We also started and did most of the work on our baby registries. We opted to have two registries. One at babies R us and one on for the things we can't get at Babies R us. I still need to order the crib but I plan to do that this week.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

25 Weeks

Each week it feels better and better to be another week along. I am still doing really well. No major pregnancy symptoms. I have been finding it more difficult to get comfortable at night which makes it hard to fall asleep. I know this is only going to get worse as Caleb and  I get bigger. I haven't had many crazy cravings so far. There have been things I really wanted at one time or another but once I ate them the craving went away. I am becoming much more excited about having a boy as time goes by. The more I use his name and find boy stuff also the more time I spend with my friend Leslie's 6 week old son helps a lot.

I had my normal every other week Dr. Appointment yesterday. Since I am going to Stanford and it is a teaching facility I saw a fellow (an OB dr who is learning to be a high risk OB) who was learning from my Dr. The fellow did my exam and spent the most time with me. My Dr came in after and talked to me and answered questions. They both said everything was looking really good still. I did my glucose test last week which I was nervous about because having PCOS puts me at a higher risk of having gestational diabetes. My test came out normal so I don't have to worry about changing my diet or giving myself insulin shots.

I have been gathering ideas and things for Calebs room. I got pictures from our trips printed and sent from shutterfly. I plan to get frames for them this week. I am also looking at fabrics because my sister is going to help me make a window valance and crib skirt. I have been adding to my pinterest in order to keep track of my ideas. In the next couple weeks Mike and I are planning to work on painting Calebs room, getting the crib ordered, putting things we will need into a registry, and all over getting the house closer to ready for a baby. 

This is the crib we are going to get but in white. It's made by baby's dream.

These are some of the pictures I printed to put up in Caleb's room. And some of the colors we are going to use for the walls.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

24 Weeks

It feels good to have made it to 24 weeks. When Zoey was born they told me if only she was 24 weeks they could have tried to save her but at 22 weeks she was too early. It's amazing to think in just 2 weeks they grow and change so much. According to my what to expect Iphone app Caleb is the size of a large eggplant. I have been feeling him move more and more everyday.

Not too much has been going on around here. I had a Dr. Appointment last week and with an exam the Dr. felt that everything was going really well. My cervix is still closed and long. My next Dr. Appointment is next Monday. Now that I am getting further along and things are going well my appointments are pretty low key and quick. I haven't had another ultrasound yet but I might be getting one in the next month or so. I kind of hope so cause it would be nice to see what is going on in there again.

Mike and I picked out a crib this last week. It was quite the challenge because we are trying to find as much as we can that is made in the USA.We feel like supporting the companies and people here in the US is important. Also it seems like the quality of products made here tends to be better. We also decided to decorate Calebs room in a beach kind of theme. We are going to use pictures from our travels mostly in Tahiti to base the room around. I plan to paint his room and start getting things together by the end of August.

Monday, July 18, 2011

My thoughts

So I wanted to share some of the more difficult parts of this pregnancy. As far as how I feel physically I am doing well and don't have too much to complain about. Emotionally I feel like it is a bit of a roller coaster.

In the beginning I was trying not to get too excited. I was worried that something would go wrong and I didn't want to get my hopes up too much. This was more in the first 12 weeks when the risk of miscarriage is much higher. We told our parents and siblings pretty much right away mostly because Mike was leaving and we wanted to make sure we got to tell everyone together in case something happened while he was gone and I needed their support. It took us a little longer to tell everyone else because we were nervous, this was harder for Mike than me. After we told everyone it was nice to know people were so supportive and positive about it. People seemed excited for us again and I didn't hear anything negative from anyone.

As each week goes by and especially once I got my cerclage I was feeling much better about stuff. I think the nervousness will stay with me until I have a baby in my arms and know that he is healthy. Every Dr. appointment helps relieve my stress just a little, knowing that things are going good. I do get a little nervous before each Dr. appointment and I try not to go alone just in case I end up being admitted that day. For Mike each appointment when he is at work is hard for him. He usually doesn't like me to text or call when he is on watch but on these days he tells me to text him as soon as I am done so he can relax. We have a plan for an emergency if he is at work and I can't get him on his cell phone I can call a satellite phone that the captain has. It's nice to know I can always get a hold of him if I need to, I just hope I never have to call that number.

The hardest day for me so far was my 20 week ultrasound. I was so excited to see that everything was going well and to know if we were having a boy or girl. When the ultrasound tech told us we were having a boy I was surprised for some reason. Not sure why but I didn't expect it. I did well and enjoyed watching caleb bounce around in my belly the whole ultrasound. After it was over and Mike and I started walking to the car alone I had a bit of a break down. Part of me (a part I didn't know about until that moment) was really hoping for a girl. I was sad that I was having a boy and I was upset and felt guilty that I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. I think I shocked Mike a little because this wasn't something we had ever talked about. It took me a little while but by the end of the day I was already feeling better about it. Each day I get more excited about having Caleb home and happy just to be a mom no matter if it's a boy or girl.

After talking to Mike and having a few moments to think about it I realized my feelings were less about having a boy and more about loosing my little girl. I think most women hope to have a girl to get to dress up and do girly stuff with. I was so excited when we found out Zoey was a girl that I looked forward to all those things. When we lost her all that was taken from me and I hadn't realized how hard that still was for me until we found out Caleb was a boy. I also was feeling a bit sad thinking I may never have another girl again.

For every person who has had a loss in their life there will be things that can be triggers for different emotions. You can't always predict what things will bring up what feelings and this was definitely one of those times for me. I would say overall I am doing really well dealing with loosing Zoey.  Days like my 20 week ultrasound reminds me that I am still dealing with Zoey's loss everyday. I will always hold Zoey in a special place in my heart and never forget about what her and I went through. I also know that I will be an amazing mom to Caleb and look forward to, although I am a bit nervous about, learning all about boy stuff.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

22 Weeks

This week I am 22 Weeks. It feels like I have been pregnant for a long time already. Since May of 2010 I have been pregnant for all but 41/2 months. It seems like the next 17 weeks are all so far away.

This week being the time that we lost Zoey has made me think about her a lot. I think about the fact that Caleb is now about the size Zoey was, how weird it is to know what that size looks like in my arms. Each day I feel Caleb more and more which is an amazing feeling. Last night I was able to feel him from outside my belly. I can't wait till Mike gets to feel him.

Mike and I have been working on picking out what we want to decorate Caleb's room with. I started a pinterest to help keep my ideas in one place. The next time Mike comes back we are going to clean out and paint the nursery. I am excited to start getting things together and feeling like we are past the hump of feeling like we won't get to bring Caleb home ever.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

21 Weeks

This week I am 21 weeks because it is the end of the week I am almost 22

4th of July this year was pretty good. Every year my girl scout troop does a Rootbeer float booth fundraiser at the Redwood City festival. It was pretty hot this year which is good for sales but kind of hard when you are pregnant so I made sure to drink enough and take it easy in the shade while the girls and our other adults did a lot of the work. In the afternoon I headed up to a family friends house for a BBQ, then around 8 I left and headed to my parents church to do fireworks (well I watched) in the parking lot. It was a long day and I fell asleep while watching TV as soon as I got home, but it was fun. I am so thankful that I am able to continue to do my normal things during this pregnancy. I hope it stays this way.

How am I feeling: So far still pretty good. I have had some spurts of really bad heartburn. I also have issues with my hips a night they go kind of numb and hurt at night which makes it a little hard to get good sleep. Since I am at the time in the pregnancy that I lost Zoey I am a little more anxious about the little things. I try to remind myself of the signs my doctor told me to look out for and not to worry about everything and I do pretty good I just think about it a lot. With the weather being so hot lately I have had to work to keep myself cool because I can't stand being too hot. If I can't stand being in my house I go to my mom's or sisters to hang out.

Dr. Appointment: Today I had a check up with my doctor. She said everything was looking really good. My cervix is 3.2cm according to my last ultrasound 2 weeks ago and she said that is very good. She said it isn't a problem until it is 2.5cm or less. It was really good to hear things are good and normal. I feel like i couldn't be told that too much. I don't have another appointment for 2 weeks but she said if I felt concerned or anxious i could come in next week. I think having a Dr that deals with mostly women that have had losses helps because she understand how hard it can be and is extra sensitive to it.

Baby Prep: I haven't started too much. Mostly looking at ideas for what I want to do in his room and things I want to get or register for. Mike and I have been working hard at figuring out when the best time for him to come home for the delivery is. He gets 6 weeks off for the baby so trying to make the most of that time can be difficult. I even talked to the Dr about it and she recommended he come home around 38 weeks. Which is probably what we will do. I feel lucky that he gets an extra 2 weeks to be home and I really hope he gets to be there for the delivery this time.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Half way there!

Big News: Today I won the new Britax B-Agile stroller from I am soo excited. 

This week I am 20 weeks.

Lately I feel like no matter how much I sleep I am still tired. I had hoped this would get better in the second trimester but so far it hasn't. I have been feeling the baby move more and more which is exciting. Mike really wants to feel it but it isn't strong enough yet.  Yesterday I had some weird stinging type pain near my cervix so I called the Dr and the nurse said it was normal and as long as I didn't have any pain or bleeding it isn't anything to worry about. It;s nice to be able to call and check in on stuff like that.

It seems like most women get to 20 weeks and feel more relaxed and mark it as a milestone. For me it feels like the beginning of being more nervous. I am glad I have Dr. Appointments every 2 weeks but 2 weeks can feel kind of long sometimes. I think I won't feel relaxed until at least 28 weeks.

After much debate Mike and I have finally decided on a name for this little boy.
Caleb Michael Haight