Friday, September 30, 2011

1 year ago today

The view from our balcony
Me at 34 weeks
Yesterday was my 26th Birthday. Mike and I went on a mini vacation out to Half Moon Bay and stayed at this great little bed and breakfast called the Cypress Inn. Our room over looked the beach and we were able to leave the doors to our balcony open and just listen to the waves crash. We also got massages which felt wonderful on my sore muscles. The day was so relaxing and gave Mike and I time to just spend together without anything else going on.

One year ago today Zoey was born and went to heaven at 8:29am. I miss her everyday and wish she could be here with us but I know that just wasn't Gods plan for her and us. I like to think that Zoey is watching over us from heaven keeping Mike, Caleb and I safe. Last night Mike and I talked about how we both feel very at peace with having lost Zoey. There are still parts of our story that bring tears to my eyes when I tell people or hear others talk about it. Mike and I read my sisters blog post last night about Zoey and both of us teared up reading about the moments when I was holding Zoey in my arms and Mike talking to her over the phone. It was hard to read but good at the same time, it helped us to express how we were feeling and start the conversation about it. Today Mike and I went for a nice walk on the beach. The beach and water is a huge part of our lives and symbolizes many things for us. Having scattered Zoey's ashes off the coast of Half Moon Bay was so special for us and I am so glad we can go there often and remember our little ladybug.

Our footprints on the beach

Last week we were waiting to hear back about my blood tests and I am happy to report that everything came back normal. I do not have a bile acid problem and everything from now on will be treated like a normal pregnancy. Finding this out was a huge relief and another reminder at how lucky we are to have Caleb in our lives. Mike and I are still nervous about the things that could still go wrong but know that we can handle whatever comes our way. Mike and I feel that losing  Zoey when we did was her way of making it possible for me to have Caleb and hopefully other children. Many things could have gone worse a year ago but they didn't, my infection didn't cause me to lose my uterus, I didn't get sick or have any other problems and Zoey didn't suffer. I feel so lucky to finally be 34 weeks and can't wait for my baby shower this weekend. Finally being past the point where the Dr would want to stop labor if it happened is a big milestone in my eyes and i look forward to Caleb being with us in a matter of weeks.

1 comment: