Zoey's poem

This is the poem and little speech that mike and I read when we scattered Zoey's ashes in half moon bay. We went out on a boat with my parents, mikes parents and my grandma. It was a little rainy that day but right as we started scattering her ashes the sun came out. It was like god letting us know that everything will be ok.

Today we are scattering Zoey’s ashes in a place very special to us both. We choose Half Moon Bay because we feel it’s a place we can come and remember her often and hopefully share with her future siblings. It is important to us to scatter her ashes in the ocean because we feel that from here she can go anywhere and everywhere in the world. Zoey would have been brought up on and around the water and we wanted to share with her this important part of our lives. We know that anytime we are out on the water Zoey will be with us from below and in the heavens up above looking down on us all.

Our little guardian angel.

We thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
We thought about you yesterday
and days before that too
We think of you in silence we often speak your name
Now all we have are memories
and your picture in a frame
Your memory is our keepsake with which we'll never part
God has you in his keeping
we have you in our heart.
--anonymous

It's Hard

Recently I was reading a post on facebook from another mom that had a loss and she was saying how she feels like everyone around her is pregnant or has babies and she was asking for advise on how to deal with that. I can defiantly understand how she feels. I think most moms of angel babies can relate. For me i find myself being jealous of others as well as sad and mad about my own situation. I am happy for everyone else I just wish I could be happy for myself as well. The way i deal with my feelings is by trying to stay positive. I remind myself that in time I too will get to be a mom of an earth baby. I try not to think why not me because i know that god has a plan for me and that I have no control over it. I also remind myself that it's hard on my friends and family as well. My best friend found out she was pregnant right after i lost Zoey and my sister delivered her daughter 2 weeks after. For both of them I just focus on being as supportive as possible and know that being there for them is more important than feeling sad for myself. 

Thanksgiving

I spent the last week in Washington visiting my grandparents with my mom and dad. I enjoyed my time away and with family but of course with the holiday i couldn't help but think about Zoey. I miss her alot. I can't help but think that this Thanksgiving was supposed to be different. I was supposed to be really pregnant and getting the house ready for a baby.

While on my trip I started reading the book Five People You Meet In Heaven. I am really enjoying it. Some of the ways things are talked about have helped me think about loosing Zoey in different ways. I am not normally a big reader i'm actually not a reader at all, and i had a hard time putting this book down.

While i was gone i decided to start a recipe page. I have been experimenting with different recipes and thought i would share the ones that come out good. I am trying to loose weight before I get pregnant again so I am cooking many low carb high protein recipes. Some of them might sound weird or even look weird but most of the stuff i have made tastes pretty good.

It took me a while and alot of trial and error but i finally got my button working. Yay!!

Zoey

I added a page about our angel baby Zoey. So far i have put her story but i will add pictures and more soon.

My first blog

Today I was inspired by the greenfamily.net to start my own blog. I have never written a blog before and felt it was about time to share my thoughts and ideas with others. 

Let me start with a little bit about me. My name is Lindi and I am 25 years old. My husband Mike and I have been together since we were 16 and got married on 9/6/08. I was born and raised in the SF bay area and still live here. I love living in California. I hope I never have to move too far. I am a Girl Scout leader for a Mariner Girl Scout troop for teenage girls out of redwood city. I have a bachelors degree from CSUEB in recreation and hospitality. I am currently not working but hope to soon start substitute teaching in my old school district. My husband is a merchant mariner and works on a ship. I feel so lucky to have such an amazing husband.

I hope this gives you an idea of who I am. I hope to write again tomorrow.