Yesterday was Zoey's due date. It has been hard to put into words how i really feel about it so sorry if this post is a little un organized. Mike and i were talking about it last night and we both feel like her due date isn't any harder than any other day. I feel like a baby's due date is just an estimate of when they will be born and not an actual date she would have been born. Because of this i don't feel much attachment to the date. We are doing really well with everything and are looking forward to the future. We definitely still think about Zoey all the time and miss her alot, but i am at peace with everything that has happened.
I think about how things were supposed to be so different. I should be huge and anxious to have a baby. Instead I am back to tracking my ovulation and trying to lose weight. It is amazing how things can change. I thought I had things figured out and was ready for how my life was going to change with a baby. Now i have to get ready to hopefully be pregnant all over again. I fear that something could go wrong again. I hear of many women who have had multiple losses and I worry that i won't be able to handle going through it many times. Every time i say that to mike he just says well lets just hope we never have to find out. I really hope that I will be pregnant by march. When i was looking at my ovulation calendar I found it interesting that if i get pregnant at the right time this month the estimated due date of our baby would be 11/11/11. How cool would it be to have that birthday.