Why me?

It seems like constantly i see people with children that I just don't feel like should have children. Either they don't take care of their children or they treat them badly i don't understand how a parent can be like that to their child. It makes me wonder why those people were even given the privilege of having a child when i was robbed of it. It seems like many of the people i have met who have lost a baby are people who are good parents and who want a baby. It kills me to see people who don't love and appreciate their children. I know that when we are finally blessed with an earth baby i will be so happy and i will be able to appreciate what a special gift it is.

Feb 2nd was Zoey's due date. As the date gets closer I have mixed feelings on it. I may feel different on the actual day but so far i feel ok about it. I see a baby's due date as just a educated guess from a doctor of when your baby will be born. So for me I don't feel the attachment to the date as i thought i would in the beginning. I feel like we are doing good with everything and that the only time i really get sad anymore is when I think about where our lives would have been right now. Instead of trying to lose weight and get pregnant we would be getting ready for zoey's birth. Looking back to a year ago when we started talking about getting pregnant we would have never guessed the year would turn out the way it did. I just hope that the next year is better than the last.