2010 you suck

So just when i thought i was doing better and feeling better about loosing Zoey I get a call from my sister that her 2 month old daughter Scarlett is in the hospital. At first we didn't know what was wrong really so I just thought she was going to have a surgery and then be ok. well that defiantly wasn't the case. She was sent to Stanfords Childrens hospital Friday night and they did an MRI and found she has a brain tumor about the size of your fist. It is taking over the space in her skull and pushing her brain to the side. She will have a biopsy tomorrow to find out more about the tumor which will give us a better idea of what kind of tumor it is and what their options are for treatment and hopefully how long she can survive with this tumor.


As you can imagine my whole family is pretty devastated. Being there and going through it all has really made dealing with our loss more difficult. I am so glad mike is home with me right now so we can lean on each other for support.


Who would have thought that this year would be so difficult. Mike and I are seeing the perinatologist next week and as much as we are looking forward to talking to them I am more nervous now too. We want to start trying again soon but I'm even more scared then I was before. I'm worried that they will tell me either I can't start trying yet or that I will have to go on strict bed rest when i do get pregnant and now with Scarlett I worry that it will be alot for everyone to handle. I know my family and friends are here to support me i just don't want to be too selfish.


I really hope 2011 brings more good then bad. Although there were good things that happened in 2010 it just seems like those good things are really trumped by the bad in the year.